阿弥陀佛

阿弥陀佛。。

lOvE yOuRsElF~~

It's time to stop everything. I' m gonna love myself starting from today. I've heard about this by Esther, she said everyone of us has a cup that is not full with water. Water in our cups indicates the love we have ourselves. When our cup is not full with water and we still go and love others, we will have to give the water we left to others. And when we have no water left, we ask from our lovers. So, it will rotate and rotate and rotate but our cups still not full with water. The best thing to do is to stop asking love from others but to find ways to make your cup full. When your cup full, you are mature enough to get married and to create another cup (baby). If your cup is not full, how do you love others? how do you love your family?

It's very important to know how to love yourself and spread your love to people that need your love. Not the couple kinda love, is the sincere love to others through caring and helping.

And i understand one thing. Remember to forget. Memories are sweet but sometimes, things will change over time, and memories will fade away. So, remember to forget. Something i wanna express is that someone who are already in my heart, the place will not change. It's not the couple kinda love, it's sincerely but indescribable bond and it cannot be resisted. And my friends and besties, I love you all. Thanks for always by my side supporting me. I am grateful to have you all with me. Always.

A hApPy AnD uNfOrGetTaBlE DaY~~

I am so so happy today. It's a very special day for me. It's the last day of the Photo Exhibition and I saw a lot of UTAR students supporting us, visiting our exhibition and participating in the model shooting. I am so grateful. And there is something in my heart that i could not express. Photography is really so unique that can give me a satisfaction. I am so happy to work with all of you. It is really a pleasure to know you all. I love the feelings working with you all and everything. I enjoy the feeling holding the camera and seeing people's expression. Muahaha. I love that.

Thanks to Chee Choon, Hon Leong, Shu and Kenny for teaching me Photography skills. Really thanks alot alot for giving me the chance to hold the camera. I gained a lot of experience through this event. And the most important thing is the friendship that i can get in this event. I know each other better and I hope the bond among us can be continued. And i wanna learn more!! Learn more and more new things. More and more 1st time. I feel happy when learning new things and it's excited.

I really don't wish this event will end so soon I hope it can be extended till thursday or friday, but, it's ok, at least it's a very successful one. I am proud that i am a member of Photography society. I am PROUD!!. Thanks all.

These few days was chatting with a special one and our bond is like becoming stronger and stronger. Thanks for the caring, the guidance, the support and of course all the motivating words. U will always stay in my heart. Thanks.

And one more thing, i am tired of this. I have had enough of this. i think I should stop it. I hope i will go through this. I need support.And i am sure i can go through this...very soon..,

It's 2.41am now and i have class at 8am tomorrow. I think i should sleep because I am having headache and my eyes are pain. I think most probably i will sleep in the class tomorrow. Muahaha. It's ok, I promised myself that i will really really concentrate in class starting next week, and work harder than last time. I know i can do it. Wish me luck ba.

Nightzzz everyone!!

50th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

Time flies. Tomorrow will be the last day of Photo Exhibition. Deep in my heart, this is the 1st event of mine that i don't want it to be ended. From the beginning, the process of preparing the proposal till the day of exhibition, everyone contributed a lot a lot. Thanks everyone for giving me this memory, the sweetest memories of mine in an event.

Today went for steamboat with Ex-SRC members, Raymond, Amie, Andrew, Kim, Terence, Jon and Lee Shan. Had great laughter and random photo shooting in the rain. It's really a nice gathering that and i miss everyone. Because of fate, we know each other.

Today is a great day, i am really happy although life is busy. I am living happily and doing things that i like to do. Grateful. Thanks everyone in my life.

Special thanks to Chee Choon. It's indescribable and i knew you understand this. Thanks.

49th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

Today is really a big day for me. It's the biggest event of the photography society and we had an opening ceremony. Every committee is so dedicated to this event and everyone is so so excited!! Specials thanks to the helpers first, without you all, we cannot make this event a success. Secondly, special thanks to Chee Choon, who threw out this idea and being a good leader always. and lastly, to all the committee members and DSA staff who contributed a lot and sacrifices for this event. Hon leong, who is the Exhibition Director, contributed a lot a lot. It is indeed a successful one and I am so so happy that it ran smoothly.

To me, photography is very important in life. Without it, we cannot capture down important moment and memories that tend to fade away easily. Photography can always remind us on the past and even though everything has changed. Memorable moment will not happen for the second time. I am glad that many students came in and enjoy our photos.

I do not really know why you didn't come for today's opening ceremony, but i knew you have class till 3.30pm. I thought you will come, but, it's ok, may be you wanna avoid me. And i purposely asked Chee Choon to print out your best shot, which is the "Ants" one, because i knew you are proud of that photo and I knew you like that photo very much. It's really a rare one that hardly to snap.

And i saw the photo that took by Mr. Cheang from Foto Imej Perak which has me and you, standing on the bridge and we post purposely for them to take photos. That photo really so nice and i love it very much. Do you still remember it? I sincerely hope that you won't avoid me and come for the exhibition, because you have one photo being exhibited and I have helped to edit that photo into black and white. I really really hope that you will come. I will do everything silently. I will not disturb you.

Wow, it's 2.40am now. My legs were pain cause wearing high heels today. Haha, it made me think of the Prom night that we had before. That night my legs were damn pain and you pour warm water and massage my legs without hesitation. It's so sweet and so warm. Thanks for everything that you've done for me. It's my fault for didn't know how to appreciate you.

47th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

Muahahaha. I highlighted my hair today!! My first time also. So excited when telling the hairstylist what to do. But, my fringe was too short being cut. Never mind, It will grow. Muahahahaha. And i got a special gift from a special one. Thanks a lot a lot. I will always appreciate what i have now. I will make sure i do better. Thanks and many thanks.

Today's mood really damn nice. Although somehow spoilt for a while. My dear gal, i am so sorry for that. I just wanna care bout you. And you keep away from me. So so sorry. Sometimes I don't know what people thinks, i am bad at it. And i don't know what should i do at times. Haiz. Really must improve.

Copied this from Yee sin's status:

She is crazy. She had chosen a tougher way which others wont agree with what she did. but this is her decision. please stop judging her. let her go and bless her. u will never noe how she feel.

Be tough my girl, no matter what decision you made, i will support you always always. Bless you and good luck. I understand that.

And so unexpectedly, six sense of mine predicted that MU will win tonight. And it's so Chun!! Rooney is Godlike!! 4 goals!!! It's indescribable. Godlike!!!! Muaahaha. My mood is super damn high although didn't watch the live match. Muahahaha..And my mood didn't get affected because the filtering things. It's ok you do what you like promising that you are happy. And i know, you are happy.

I need to sleep and now is 1 am. There's a rehearsal tomorrow so I need to get enough rest. That's all for today. Nitez nitez!!

46th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

Another day has gone. Hor shin's birthday today, happy birthday to you and happy birthday to pui yean, my senior. never meet you long time already. Hope we can have a gathering during Chinese New Year.

Finally can back Ipoh today, perhaps tomorrow will go for a hair cut. Wahaha. Hope to try new look after so many years of unchange.

Today is just a boring and a hard day for me. Backbone damn pain. Will sleep soon.

45th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

It's 3am now. We just celebrated Hor shin's 21st birthday at ABC mamak stall and now at Hor Shin's house pillow-talking. We drank beer just now. Today is 21st of January 2010. 21st is a memorable day for me. and 21st of this month, I have done 2 things that i have never done before. I donated blood (which i think is quite meaningful and worth it, though i had some little problems happened) and i drank beer, so much beer till my face was red and i was abit blur just now.

Maybe it's what we called drunk. Beer is so bitter, i don't know why people will like to drink it no matter happy or sad. But nevermind, at least i have drunk before and i know what the taste was. Don't worry, i had a nap just now at her house and now blogging at her house using her laptop, thanks Hor shin. Wish you have a memorable birthday!! Bless you..

I know every people has their own opinion and perception. Some people will think that i am forcing myself doing things i don't like. But, I am enjoying it. I already understand that I cannot force people. It's not a bad thing to break up although i was sad before or i will be sad some other time. It's the thing i wanna do and it's worth it, not for you only, but myself. I just want to understand the things that you like. It's really interesting. I have learnt the players of MU today from Zuo-Yang, thanks to him. I knew more things about football. And i know how to play dota and i love it. It's really a unique game. (Thought of LAN game with Su xian, but some problems occured and could not play. Sad-nya. I will try again!!Muahaha!!)

Many people don't know about you. Some will blame you for hurting me or said i will deserve a better one. But, I understand you. I really understand you. I know what you want and i respect your decision. I was sad when break up was because i never expect this will happen and i already get use to the life with you. After so many days without you, i can get use to it also. I would say that is a good arrangement for me and you although it hurts.

The life of being a single can be very meaningful and enjoyable meanwhile, heart is *unavailable*. I can still loving you with my way. It does no harm to me, right?? Life is full of challenges, it will have sorrowness and happiness. Life is not complete without all these. Thanks to all my friends who cares about me all the way long and don't worry about me, I am alright with this and I already accept the reality. I already understand. I will live happily!! Thanks to you all and i appreciate you all so much so much.

As usual, I miss you. I hope u won't read this but sometimes i hope you will read this. So contradictory. I scared i will disturb your life. I just want to care about you, silently. Must be happy always.

44th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

Cannot concentrate in class all day. no, is the whole week lecture i also don;t know what the lecturer is talking about. haiz. Maybe i am worry about the class thingy and the society thingy. Seems like a lot of things yet to be done. Maybe i am thinking of you also. I need to force myself to pay attention. I need to work hard. Hope tomorrow is a good day.

Saw your car just now near the field there, you should be going A station. Sure you alright already. Next week will be our photo exhibition, hope that it will be a successful one.

Tired...wanna sleep..nitez..zzz..

43th dAy WiThOuT yOu~~

I am seriously damn headache and tired now. Slept at 2am last night and woke up at 4am today. Slept for only 2 hours. Till 11pm only reached hostel. Had bath and washed clothes till now blogging here. I met him today!!!!! after 42 days of missing you, finally can meet you. I didn't mean to disturb you, but you were downstairs just now so just met you. I just wanna send you the medicine only. Last night saw that you were sick in facebook was already 12am at night. Peng and xian didn't want me go out so late and didn't want me to do stupid things like this, I also scared to disturb you. So, i just made up my mind not to. But, I really worried about you. If didn't bring you the medicine, i will worry and worry. (Sory to peng and xian for not listening your advices.)

Sorry to disturb you and thanks for the book.

The feeling to meet you again is so indescribable, i was so so nervous, heart beating like hell and it's like not natural at all. I behave stupidly and i nearly choked my words and cannot talk as usual.

I see you.

You look fine after the badminton. I also feel relieved. If you really still headache and flu, must eat medicine.

I cried on the way home while heart still beating like hell. I cried in 2010 after meeting you and after so many days of being tough. Seriously i am missing you.

Today went for the HSBC Young Entrepreneur Award, Business Plan writing skills workshop. It started at 8.30am at PJ ,PB Block and ended at 1pm. And we have to wait for the afternoon session till 6pm only can go back. And i took a nap in Station 1 Cafe. First time in my life to sleep in a public place. I was too tired that time.

Thanks to Zuo-Yang for fetching us back kampar. At least faster than the bus. But, KL really really damn jammed just now. hate that.

I don't know what I am typing now. Wanna sleep now and maybe 4am go for Carling Cup. Muahaha. MU vs MC. Nitez everyone.

41th dAy WiThOuT u~~

Finally, am back to kampar. Tomorrow is the first day of a new semester. Alone in the room makes me think a lot. Just now saw u post "bad sick" and am really worry about you. So, just msn you and ask about it. Luckily just because of dust, later will be fine. Hmm. Feel abit sad now. Peng is not here, maybe went for yumcha and xian not yet back, nobody talks to me. I know sometimes i have to be the best friend of myself, but maybe tomorrow school starts and holiday ends, so, quite emo. And you are not here also. So near and so faraway from me. Miss you a lot but cannot meet you. Always said when you are happy and i will be happy, it does not apply sometimes.

Hey, the bear with your face on it is still on my bed, i think maybe it's the most precious thing for me now. Thanks for making the bear for me. Maybe you predict that you will leave me soon and gave me this?? Everyday when i sleep and when i wake up, i see you. You are always by my side and i will always be there for you. I miss you.

My class will be 2pm tomorrow, good for lazy people like me. Perhaps a nice timetable for the semester is the thing that can make me feel happier. hahaha( try to smile reluctantly) Thought of applying for the car park balloting thingy but the webpage cannot be displayed. UTAR Portal jammed again. Nevermind, maybe i will try tomorrow as it is randomly picked. Lots of luck for me to get the sticker this semester.

You must rest more and get well soon. Good nite to you and sweet dreams.

39th DaY wItHoUt YoU~~

Yesterday went to KL, 3 hours in the KTM and reached there at 12 something. That's the first time i was boarding a train. I never thought that is the speed of a train. Consider slow, but safe. haha. I still remember you promised to bring me take train together, because you never take a train. But, you also didn't keep your promise and went with friends. It's ok, one should not always keep his or her promise, right??

Had a great days with the Mun Chin, hor Shin and Shiau Peng but had a bad day as well because i planned to buy my Chinese New Year clothes at KL, but in vain. I bought nothing except a bread from Bread Story. So so disappointing. And i was so tired keep on trying clothes and visiting stores in Time Square. Maybe i am a bad shopper. I am not good in shopping.

What i dislike is that most of the shops wanna sell at lower price due to the reason to attract customers, they sell at flat price on all items and did not allow consumers to try on clothes. Although this is a good tactic to win customers, I could say this is a bad one as it can trick customers just to buy it because it's cheap, not because it's suitable. People just wasted their money when the clothes bought are not the size they want.

So, i went home by train at 6pm with nothing but a bread and a tired body and mind. Something funny happened was that an ipoh guy bought the wrong ticket which is ipoh - kl. But ours were Kl - Ipoh. And so coincident that his seat is the same with one of us. So, i had to sit with the guys and my besties more cham, they had to squeeze in 2 seats. Pity them.

I was roughly 2 days away from laptop, so, how are you? (stupid question and talking to myself again)I think you have recover from your not well because saw you "singing at Kbox" that status and played badminton.

During the holidays, i kept thinking a lot of things. Luckily i didn't become insane and i finally understood one thing. No matter good or bad one's circumstance, it's the best arrangement for he or she. So, I would treat the break up as a bad situation but i believe that's the best arrangement for me at the moment that fate wants me to go through. And it's for you also. I will be happy, don't worry.

So sleepy now. New semester is starting on next Monday, maybe i won't have time to go blogging everyday. But, i will miss you all the time. Hiak Hiak~~

36th DaY wItHoUt YoU~~

A few words for you. Know that you have came back from Penang. For sure you are very tired now. Better go sleep earlier yea. I don't dare to nudge you or disturb you in facebook. Hope you have a nice sleep and sweet dreams.

Miss you a lot..

tHe 35th DaY wItHoUt YoU - rAiN

It's raining right now. I had gastric again today. Feels so bad. I don't want to depend on medicine but i had to take medicine to stop the pain. Rain keeps pouring down and memories starts flashing back. Lots and lots of memories of 2009. Bitter and sweet. Happy and sad. Important and not. Each of them colored my life and made my life interesting. Things in life always happen unexpectedly. The loss of James and the other 2 friends, my break up and obstacles in life, it's really saddening. But, life must goes on. Even if you stop halfway, the others will continue their journeys, continues their stories, colors their own drawing blocks still. You cannot stop other's life as you cannot control your own life also.

It's still raining. I remembered what my friend told me just now that i have to be rational, change my mind, don't behave like this anymore. But, I just wanna try, just wanna give myself one more chance. I know it will be a tough journey since I chose it. And i know it will be a one-way route as well. Because i chose to believe in you, every word from you. No matter you said it for fun or you really mean it, I have fate in you. There is chances that I will get hurt again. But, there is chances that I wouldn't get hurt, right? I'm prepared and i'm transformed. I'm stronger now and more open-minded.

How are you today? Penang trip nice or not? I know you will be very tired now. Do rest more. I still remember the trip that we went together with Wushu Club. The night we and kim and jordan were so rebellious. We curi-curi went to watch a mid night movie. It's unforgettable. And it's the first time i sat on a couple seat with you. That night was really exciting. I still remember that time i was so stubborn. If i were given a chance, i wouldn't be like that anymore. But, there is no turning back. I understand that.

Sometimes i would think that, are you only a dream? If I didn't participate in SRC, i wouldn't have know you. Since foundation also didn't know you. Suddenly you appeared in my life, changed everything of mine. You become an important part of me in my life. Even you disappeared from my life already, you are still important. I have the memories of you around me, I remember everything. Thanks for everything.

I will always love you.

tHe 34th DaY wItHoUt YoU

Oh my God!! I had got my results!! Don't know wanna feel happy or sad. Because it was not what i expected but i think i deserved this since i was not concentrating during the exam. These 2 days i went to PC fair twice. I upgraded my RAM to 2Gb but the RAM is something wrong. WTH. My laptop keep restart and restart and restart. So i needed to go for the 2nd time. Waste petrol. and it was RM148. I'm nearly broke already. haiz. Overused money.

I saw your profile and u stated there "in a relationship with Maria Keiko". I was like, what the!! so fast!! and my heart aches very much. but, it lasted for a few minutes only. This doesn't mean i will stop loving you. I will keep my promise to you, waiting for you and not disturbing you. No matter how hard it is and no matter how long i have to wait, i will always be there for you. Unless i die one day. haha.. choi choi choi.touch wood!! As long as you happy!!

Sem reopen soon, so sad. I want a longer sembreak!! I want a longer sembreak. hey, weng, i miss you. i hope i still deserve to be the one who can say "i love you" to you. Do I?

tHe 31st DaY wItHoUt u~~

I didn't expect that results will be released today. It's too soon and i'm still not ready yet. Thanks to the Sucks UTAR Portal because i still couldn't get in. I might check it tomorrow. I'm so so worry. Give me luck please. Wish me all the best.SO reluctant to check it. So, you passed your pm but failed your major subject. Hmm, you have to gambate in the next semester since you wanna resit for the previous management paper. Your parents and your relatives are worried about you. Every time also ask me about you when meet me. So, don't let them down. I believe in you, you can do it. Bless you.

Today is a bad day for me, because i got scoldings from my mum for around one hour. I admitted that i'm quite lazy, but i really did something, you cannot see only. So, i would just try not to be so lazy anymore. What she scolded me is right. Sorry mummy. maybe tomorrow i will go wash the clothes i bought slowly and clean my room.

I have done all the Agendas for the previous meetings. After days and weeks of procrastinating, I finally dealt with it. So nice, i finished them all!! Now left only with the board that i'm in-charged with. So, maybe tomorrow, i will start doing it. A lot of things are waiting me to finish. Soon, Semester reopen, busy days coming again. Lazy to study, lazy for exam. haiz.

I will sleep after i finish the last episode of "Born Rich". Good night.

tHe 29th DaY wItHoUt U~~

Today is a super normal day for me. I woke up at 11.30am, brushed my teeth and ate 2 slices of bread, a bottle of vitagen. The "food" for me today is Hong Kong drama, "Born Rich". I like a character in the drama who is Topman, the way he regards love impressed me. haha. If the world is full of guys like him, it's perfect. There would be no hurting, no breaking ups and no divorcing. So nice!!

Whole day helped out mum abit and watched the drama. Always think about you. Think about you all the time. I know what i think and what i am doing now is not rational. All my friends around me also advised me to stop my behavior now, told me that i will hurt myself one more time. But, i don't know, i couldn't stop loving you right now, I couldn't force myself right now, just like you couldn't force yourself to be with me. It's the same thing.

Maybe, as time flies, i will be better, i will let go slowly. But now, i still wanna try one more time, give myself one more chance. There is chance right? even 0.01%. So, it's ok, i am alright and i found myself happier and my life is getting back normal abit. I'm happy because 2010 begins and i never cry once.

So, good luck to me. Arghh, feel like eating McD now. I think i will watch one more episode then only go to bed. good nite, people!! and good nite to you. sweet dreams.

没有你的第二十八天

看到他在facebook 里一直和那女生聊天，很关心那女生，我的心就隐隐作痛，如刀割一般。为什么他说要单身，要多点时间和朋友，他觉得拍拖很烦，可是一转身就一直找那女生？你是骗我吧？不是想要单身，而是变心了？爱你，真的可以让我变得好傻，变得盲目了，变得你才是最重要的。唉，都算了吧，都算了吧。。写下了算发泄了心中的苦。

我转过头就会告诉自己，嗯，只要你开心就可以了，只要你喜欢就可以了。我要振作，要跟着开心，跟着笑！

Today went to meet up with hor shin, su xian and shiau peng at parade, sushi king. Chat for a few hours till 5pm and walked around till 6pm and back home. Result is coming i think. may be a few days more, i really scared i did very bad this time. hmm,wish me luck ba, i just wish not too bad. haiz, even during the exam i had think about him. i stopped writing my answer and think about him. omg. just wish me luck.

i miss you so much. just wanna tell you, i love you more and more as time goes by. sigh~~ you must be happy, ok? you must be healthy, ok? be brave pui yee, you can go through it. i believe i can.

i am starting to talk to myself here, am i going to be insane? haha, won't la, one month also don't have. just, be happy also. i can.

27tH dAy WiThOuT u

Yesterday went to Kbox again and omg, this is the 3rd time i went to Kbox in this week. thanks to my aunty for treating us. Thanks!! There was a little accident happened in which the one of the gals' bf didn't know why suddenly moved the cupboard of the control unit and everything shut down all of a sudden!! The staff came in and checked , but to no avail. They said they can change a room for us, but our mood were spoilt, no point of changing the room for the last one hour. So, we went back.

Tonight will be a match of MU and Leeds U. Definitely i will support MU!! MU Rockxxxxx!!! And i hope Scholes can score in tonight match. That's your wish also. Oh, how i wish i can go and watch this match, but i have no kaki accompany me. Only can wait for the goal result through internet, sienz betul.

How are you today? i saw a photo of you that you had uploaded it which you took in front of the mirror. That is so nice. You hair like that look so nice and handsome of course!! wahaha. Already 27 days didn't see you, the only thing i can do is to see you in facebook, and talk to you here. sigh~~

And i am going out tomorrow with shiau peng, hor shin and su xian. Whee~~ going out AGAIN. I wanna save money since nearly broke already. Can't wait tomorrow to come!!! and i hope i can meet you accidentally tomorrow in parade. haha, just my dream anyway. I think that's all for today.

As usual, i miss you.

NeW yEaR eVe WiTh CoUsIns~~

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!! A brand new chapter and a brand new day for everyone. Went to Kbox at Jusco with my cousins and had a mini countdown in front of the K box entrance. We were given some countdown "materials" and i don't know what they called. And everyone was there and waiting the moment. 5,4,3,2,1!! Happy New YEar!! haha, Just another new year begins!!

Why are you not happy today? hmm, although I cannot by your side and ask you, but hey, must cheer up k? i'm sure you will find some other (girl) to talk to. haha, and seriously i'm jealous. But, i told myself, never mind, as long as you are happy, just do it. Promise me you will be happy everyday, that's my only wish in 2010.

Saw you guys photos in facebook and you guys were having such fun. Am happy to see your smile again, for sure you had a memorable new year eve. Last night i played

UNO with cousins till 5am. I was damn tired so today only can go blogging. And i'm so happy you replied my New year wish. So unexpected. really damn happy and i got a good news, wahaha. so, it's a good beginning for me in 1-1-2010.

Once again, happy new year to my family, to you, to my friends, my classmates and all the people i know of course!! May God bless you all and have a nice New year.